You really are.
Whenever I fail to write a new blog post, I feel like I have to come up with excuses. Instantly I’m a 6yr old trying to explain to my mom why I still haven’t picked up my toys off the floor. Or I’m a 16 yr old who is trying to reason why I’m trying to sneak in 10 minutes past my curfew. (I always got caught) Needless to say, I feel guilty if I fail to do what I should be doing, like writing a blog post.
Is that a good thing?
Oh don’t get me wrong I have excuses, viable excuses why I’m just now publishing a post. I could easily tell you I spent my entire weekend in a Photoshop class in SF. (It was amazing and exhausting) I could mention the fact that I’ve been to the hospital 2x in the last few days to deal with some excruciating throat and ear pain. (I’m on a crapload of drugs now) But I recognize I’m not a child who hasn’t cleaned their room, nor have I missed curfew. So why do I feel the need to share an excuse?
The funny thing is I know all this is in my head, the guilt is completely self-imposed. I can see now I’m not being realistic and my expectations for life might be to high for me now, thus leading to constant disappointment. Maybe it’s time for me to recognize I have health limitations, that they do exist. Maybe I need to understand that no matter how hard I push against them I just can’t do things the way I used to do. Maybe until I do I could, in fact, be damaging my health further.
After all this blog is not supposed to be another way to pile unnecessary guilt on myself. As you can see, I have more than enough and besides, it truly isn’t a good way to inspire anyone. This blog is supposed to be encouraging me to stay on track, to help in finding out what it is I love to do.
So last weekend I was reminded of something I’m sure I love to do.
Let me share with you some sketches from my BART rides last weekend.
Ultimately I do need to find a new way to be motivated. I’m done with all this guilt. However I’m not sure where to start or what that even looks like, a positive inclination versus a negative one.
So let me ask you, my readers, what motivates you?
You could say I’ve been busy.
In fact I’ve been going through older drawings continually trying to find clues as to what I really like to draw, instead of what I’m good at. During my search I found a picture I sketched of Coco Rocha many moons ago from the cover of Harper’s Bazaar. I decided to look up her FB page and post the picture…just because. Here it is: (you can also find it on my FB page Nefairious Design)
So we’ll see what comes from that.
Next I decided my drawing of the day would be more than one person. Found a magazine photo and sketched it, fairly straight-forward in the scribble pen and ink style of my last drawing.
Here it is.
Perhaps I can get that dollar for it…
I’m happy to say I have been drawing / sketching daily since I made my promise with all of you.
However I’m finding the more I create, the deeper I get into myself. True, I find my imagination is already expanding in ways I never thought it would. But it seems like the stronger I get and the more determined I am to keep going, there is a part of me that wants to hold me down. It tries to keep me where I am, in a state of pure inactivity. Perhaps it could be that section of your brain that prefers to be lazy or it may be some deeper truths I need to face.
Either way it’s been a bit of a struggle.
So to push through this obstacle I went back to my original daily list of exercises and came up with Creative Bliss Day 2: 11 Ways to Spice Up a Team Brainstorm. Once again, it really didn’t have any relevance to me so I had to read in between the lines. I chose: Create a picture that sums up your day.
That’s a good way of looking at it.
But think about it, if I spend even 30 days practicing a craft I’ll automatically be better than I was when I started. So yes you are now seeing the worst sketch.
Of course when I sat down, I hit a creative block. So I began to look for ways to think and see differently on the interwebs. I eventually found this, 30 Days of Creativity Exercises
The first step is called “The Peep Challenge.” Apparently you are supposed to buy some Peeps and create something with them – a diorama, collage, a graveyard- anything. However since it’s not April and there aren’t a plethora of Peeps, I took it to mean: Play.
So I let my inner child out and gave her permission to draw, using the most child-like tools I could find – markers. The only rule I had for her was she couldn’t draw with her right hand. Nope, only the left. Needless to say it’s a scribbled mess full of bright colors, similar to what I would’ve done as a little girl. However when I was done with that, I grabbed another piece of paper and created the sketch above.
Not bad for the worst drawing of the year.
I am a bit of an enigma.
There is nothing average about me. Not my height, not my interests, and certainly not my name. Everyday there is only ONE person who takes the time to pronounce it right. (“Nichelle, with an “N” not a “M”? That’s an unusual name!”) I tower over well all of my friends at 6’1 and the only person who really understands the struggle of fitting into small cars, clothes, and especially airplanes is my baby sister, who stands at 6’3.
So why am I writing? What is it I have to say?
I’ve faced a lot of personal issues in the last few years and they have kept me grounded in one spot. Life seemed to come to a sudden halt. Then today I read an article that gave me a kick in the pants when I needed it the most. 6 Harsh Truths That Will Make You A Better Person. I can’t officially recommend because the writing is very obscene. For those of you who can’t get past the profanity the core truth is this:
Having potential for some career, job, or relationship is not enough. If you aren’t doing or creating something people can use, the world will eat you for lunch.
This forced a mirror to my face and I didn’t like what I saw. I do see myself as a person in that manner but there is no way “potential” will get me what I want, get me to where I want to be. The one phrase I will take away from this is:
If you don’t kill your excuses, your excuses will kill you.
I took it to heart so much I’ve printed and taped it all around my apartment.
So here’s what I plan to do:
Starting today January 3, 2014, I promise to do the following:
- Draw something everyday and post the results to this blog.
- Start getting my artwork out there in the world. Learn what it is I want to create.
- Learn UI / UX design (my classes start next week)
You see I have potential for contributing something useful to society, I just don’t know what that is yet. I am a web designer / web developer / mobile app designer / graphic designer / and fine artist. I have plenty of tools to work with but haven’t been able to push through all those negative excuses yet.
But no more.
This is me killing those excuses. Push me, remind me, argue with me, and share with me whatever response you have. You are more than welcome to come on the journey with me.