You are now making me accountable

You really are.

Whenever I fail to write a new blog post, I feel like I have to come up with excuses.  Instantly I’m a 6yr old trying to explain to my mom why I still haven’t picked up my toys off the floor. Or I’m a 16 yr old who is trying to reason why I’m trying to sneak in 10 minutes past my curfew. (I always got caught) Needless to say, I feel guilty if I fail to do what I should be doing, like writing a blog post.

Is that a good thing?

Oh don’t get me wrong I have excuses, viable excuses why I’m just now publishing a post. I could easily tell you I spent my entire weekend in a Photoshop class in SF.  (It was amazing and exhausting) I could mention the fact that I’ve been to the hospital 2x in the last few days to deal with some excruciating throat and ear pain. (I’m on a crapload of drugs now) But I recognize I’m not a child who hasn’t cleaned their room, nor have I missed curfew. So why do I feel the need to share an excuse?

The funny thing is I know all this is in my head, the guilt is completely self-imposed. I can see now I’m not being realistic and my expectations for life might be to high for me now, thus leading to constant disappointment. Maybe it’s time for me to recognize I have health limitations, that they do exist. Maybe I need to understand that no matter how hard I push against them I just can’t do things the way I used to do. Maybe until I do I could, in fact, be damaging my health further.

After all this blog is not supposed to be another way to pile unnecessary guilt on myself. As you can see, I have more than enough and besides, it truly isn’t a good way to inspire anyone. This blog is supposed to be encouraging me to stay on track, to help in finding out what it is I love to do.

So last weekend I was reminded of something I’m sure I love to do.

Draw people.

Let me share with you some sketches from my BART rides last weekend.

sketch_2

sketch_3

Ultimately I do need to find a new way to be motivated. I’m done with all this guilt. However I’m not sure where to start or what that even looks like, a positive inclination versus a negative one.

So let me ask you, my readers, what motivates you?

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